day 28: ace of cups + ace of pentacles (spent)

12/4/2020

Peace & blessings! I just want to say right quick that I know less & less of us are commenting everyday &I'm a little late sometimes, but I KNOW we're in here. Our support of each other (& ourselves!) is a beautiful thing & I hope none of us are feeling any-type-of-way about not checking in or speaking up or anything. Shadow work is private, intense, triggering & happens according to divine timing, not necessarily a preset schedule (even if you committed bc Spirit be having other plans). This is my daily reminder that we please, please, please be gentle with ourselves. Huge hugs & leisurely backrubs to us all!

So, today we are going to talk about the Ace of Cups + the Ace of Pentacles which is a little overwhelming for me because two are so intertwined & connected that I'm not sure how to separate the parts to show you. It feels like pointing to a pile of mud & saying, here is the water & here is the earth. Impossible lol (but imma try).

First, definitions: All the Aces represent the root & infinite potential of their element, so the Ace of Cups is the infinite potential of water (the teardrop that becomes an ocean) & the Ace of Pentacles is the infinite potential of earth (the molehill that becomes a mountain). The common denominator of all emotion (water) is love & the common denominator of all growth (earth/in-formation) is time so if you put them together = love takes time. (But I'm getting ahead of myself)

Second, directions: Notice how the Ace of Cups is being handed off with the right hand & the Ace of Pentacles is being received with the left hand. This represents the give & take, the ebb & flow of life. Release the current (emotion), receive the tide (time).

Third, perspective: Notice how the water in the foreground of the Ace of Cups is a result of the waterfall from the heavenly cup. This represents how our emotions often rush in & then we dive deep (see the ocean in the distance?) To keep from drowning (again, deep af ocean ahead) as our feelings begin to overflow, we have to wade-in-lilies (wait-a-little) in the shallow end so we can see exactly what's in the water before we get in over our heads.

The dynamic is opposite (but related) to the Ace of Pentacles. See how in the foreground is the perfect little lawn & path (well laid plan), but there's a mountain through the mole-hole? This represents how, when we visualize too far ahead of ourselves, we run into mental pinnacles (mind mountains, i.e. creating problems that don't exist) that overwhelm our vision & zap our will to even take the first step. It's best to get out of our heads & remain in the moment (with the mole-men? idk lol) & allow ourselves to put one actual (not mental) foot in front of the other. In this way, instead of being stressed about potentials, we can be surprised & delighted by how the path realistically unfolds. (Bc there is a huge difference between knowing the path & walking the path)

See how they are intertwined...? In the Ace of Cups, it's best to resist the current (emotions) rushing in & remain at shore (where you're sure) & can carefully investigate the depths during the ebb & flow of tide (time). Otherwise you'll go too deep, too fast & drown. (Drunk in love...?) In the Ace of Pentacles you have to get out of your head & actually go with the flow/ current moment & follow your path, otherwise you'll get stagnated by the potential pinnacles in the distance & wade (wait) too long. (Let life pass me by...?)

When it comes to life, flow (follow). When it comes to love, wade (wait).

(Maaaannnnnn when I tell you I have had that ish backwards all my life lololol. & Just the fact that tomorrow's card is the Two of Cups (Venus in Cancer) & I have Venus in Cancer in my natal chart- I CANNOT with how the Most High trolls me, too funny...)

Anyway- I am endlessly fascinated by the linguistic connection between reality & water. Take the word "current," which describes the ebb & flow of waves; but also describes the right-now immediacy of "time";

& the word "time," was originally "tide," which is a measurement of water;

and the word "currency," which represents a unit of value that we exchange for "time."

So we give our time (tide) in order to receive currency (current);

So we spend our time (lives) trying to obtain water/ emotion (love).

But if we look at the cards, we see we have that concept backwards af because the Ace of Pentacles is being gifted (received) from the Most High's hand & the Ace of Cups is being poured out (released). So we have a limited amount of time (life/gift) but we have an infinite amount of love (overflowing current / emotion / currency).

So we spend our precious, gifted pentacles (time) to earn the love that we already have in abundance (current/ currently/ currency). There is always love because we exist in the current. It is always now (currently). There is nowhere else to go. Yet since we don't live forever, we only have a limited amount of time to spend in the current.

With this understanding, we should be spending our precious time enjoying every moment, since the current (love) lasts forever but we (time) do not last forever. But since we understand it backwards & mistakenly believe the current (love) is limited (will he still love me tomorrow?) & mistakenly believe we are eternal (I'll call her next week), we spend the gift of time paying (paining/ panging) for our current. In other words, hurting for love instead of loving for life.

& Then we rush through relationships (Ace of Cups) drowning ourselves in our current (love) believing we don't have time to wade (wait/waste). And it's true I said earlier that we shouldn't wait; that we should follow (flow) where the path leads. But there is a difference between flowing (following) & rushing (rushing in / diving ahead).

The difference is instead of rushing (which makes you tired/spent), we should put one foot in front of the other foot (which gives you a pace/peace/paid). Order our steps. The slower we move, the more we will come to appreciate the infinite beauty & possibility within each moment. If we pay attention (using our wonderful gift of time), then life will reveal this mysterious relationship between tide (time) & currency (rewards), which is slow, deliberate & long lasting, to better stand the test of time, quality time, rewarding time. This evolves into a lifelong (step by step) journey with us & our beloveds (& us AS our beloved), where the greedy minutes (mine, it's!) dissolve into shared hours (ours).

So since our ability to be patient (pay attention) means we can gift our beloveds what was bestowed unto us - time; then the highest act of self love is to gift ourselves time.

Don't rush (overflow) & don't worry (pinnacle).

Give ourselves time.

(Disclaimer: these are all original thoughts, please taste them but don't bite them, please)

Here's my Ace of Cups / Ace of Pentacles (Shadow) story:

I don't have a pretty bow to put on this, but these events/ stories just stand out to me. My stepmom was born & raised in Lynchburg, VA, which is a hella small town. She grew up in the backwoods in a cold shack with her parents, five siblings, & her dad's parents. She told me her dad & his dad were alcoholics & they would alternatively beat their wives & stop each other from beating their wives (depending on who was drunk & who was sober). She said her daddy would be about to get paid & promise his kids food, & then would go get drunk & spend up all the money & then come home to six hungry kids broke af. She said her mama & grandmama had to make miracles happen. She told me that she grew up in the damn sixties, so people were living all over the world with electricity & indoor toilets; there was no reason for us to be as poor as we were, except that my father didn't provide.

She said for years her father used to promise them that if they kids cleared the land, he would save the money & build them a better house with heat & indoor plumbing, closer to the main road, but he never did. Then when she was 14, he was hit & killed by a train while walking across the tracks. She said her mama used the insurance money to build them the house he'd talked about. In a way, he did give us what he promised, she told me.

& Then my stepmom got with my dad & he was abusive af & she hated her life with him. When I was little I asked her why she stayed (because Ray Charles could see she was miserable) & she said 1) I'm not independent like your mama, I don't make enough money to live on my own & 2) That's just how men are. But then suddenly, her job (Illinois Bell) was bought out by Ameritech, & since she had been there 20 years, they offered her early retirement & a fat pension in the buyout. She used that money to leave him.

Then she used her money to put my younger sister through medical school & when her pension was gone & she lost her job at Comcast for (accidentally) cussing on an open line, she was stressed af. She told me she was thinking about opening a daycare so she could work from home & I was like DO IT. She was like, but I don't know that many kids?? And I was like, the Lord will provide. Her daycare was open for 7 years & in that time, between me, my sister & my cousin, we birthed 8 babies & they all grew up at the daycare. It was such a precious time in our lives, being around each other & the siblings & the cousins & the popsicles & the holidays. I wish I had appreciated it more, tbh.

In March 2014 I interviewed my stepmom for this narrative project I was doing at the time called Marrow Women, & in her interview she said she felt she'd wasted her life on my father, & that she wished she'd chosen a man who would have loved her, because she deserved love. I told her there was still time & she was still fine. She was like nawl, I'm fat, I wasted my life, I want a do-over.

Then in June 2014 she started losing a ton of weight unexpectedly & at first she was happy about it bc she'd wanted to drop some pounds forever but then she was alarmed bc it didn't stop. She went to the doctor & they diagnosed her with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She died six months later, in December. The last year or so before she died, she'd been slowly renovating her house, & the last thing to be done was stripping up all the carpet & replacing it with hardwood floors. The dude was doing the job slowly because he was a family friend & let her pay him slowly, on time. Two weeks before she died, she was bugging me about paying my $25 child care co-pay (she wouldn't acknowledge hospice or anything & worked until she literally couldn't work anymore); I remember she was also stressing out about the money to pay the contractor a $200 installment so he could do some work on the floors, & my sister was like, how much to just FINISH & dude said $2,000, & my sister just wrote him a check and the floors were finished that same week.

It just always struck me that my stepmom worried about money her whole life & was always so busy or fussy about one thing or another. She was my favorite person with her mean ass & I loved her so much & she was just always like whatever, where is my money/why are you late/why are you loud or some other complaint lol. She just would not let folks love on her- or maybe we just didn't love her how she wanted to be loved, idk. But it's crazy to me that in her very last days, she was surrounded by her family but was worried about paying for them damn floors.

Idk where I'm going this but I know I wish I had more time with her. Quality time.

(But ain't it something when you look back & realize it was all quality time?)

What's y'alls Ace of Pentacles and/or Ace of Cups?

14 Comments

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all of us.

disclaimer:
this is a magical space. magic is, by nature mischievous. with that being said, you should know that sometimes these pictures move & switch themselves for no apparent reason. i try to go back & put them in their rightful place as soon as possible but i don't always catch them in time. if you are reading a post & the pics don't match, don't fret.
the words won't move.
keep on reading.

Ruth

12/6/2020 08:18:55 am

Life got in the way, and I totally forgot about this until I read something that reminded me of your ex-spouse story. So I'm still going in order, because the Spirit said that is what is best for me. So, I'm still working on it. Maybe a friendly email reminder would be helpful for others. Much love! <3

Cheryl

12/6/2020 10:40:35 am

Well well well. I now understand Oubria why we were put together virtually. I have often said “I meet people through their Cancer Stories.” My mother died 10+ year ago from Pancreatic Cancer. She was stage 4, and it was four months from death to diagnosis. Her house was more than a mess – and it worried her that somehow I would be mad at her for being a hoarder with no time to fix it. I remember one of my best friend’s said “I am sorry that your mother is so sick, and I am grateful that she is going to finally get to meet the person we all know.” I took excellent care of my mother and she told everybody that during her lifetime. And my friend’s wish came true – in the end my mother saw that having a daughter (instead of son), who put a hospital bed in her living room (as she knew you could not be properly cared for in a hoarder house), who was an artist (and not a lawyer or doctor), was a fine thing to have in the world. Taking care of my mother was the hardest and best thing I have ever done for another human being. I even published a book about it a few years later, so that other caregivers can have a roadmap: Being the Grown-Up: Taking Care of Someone with a Terminal Illness. Moving to CA, changing my day job/ financial profile and really pursuing my art, because I saw up close that life is really short is the best thing I ever did for myself.

Dee

12/6/2020 02:17:43 pm

My Ace of Cups story is I rushed into a relationship out of emotions and fear. God gave me multiple signs that he was NOT the right one for me and I didn't listen. I wasted time, invested money and destroyed my emotional/spiritual health for 3 years. It wasn't until I took some time away from him and his influence, that I was able to think clearly and hear God. I was able to see all the mistakes I made, how broken I was and how much I didn't recognize who I had become or who I was anymore without him. Even though it was hard, I broke up with him, blocked his ass and I haven't looked back. I feel free, I finally have peace again and I'm getting back connected to God and getting the help I need to heal from my past. I'm sooo thankful to have my time and life back. Now I'm focusing on being present and grateful for each day I'm alive to see.

Tanasia

12/6/2020 04:32:21 pm

Oubria...you getting on my nerves. Why are you telling my damn life? Nah...but for real...TMH stay showing out. This reminds me of my current relationship and myself at the moment. I want to always be in control. I am a Capricorn, I am a type A personality, and I am a worry wart. Not to mention I live by a planner. What I am learning in this time is...to just live and trust The Most High. He is in control and I am but a vessel for him to show the world His glory. I've tried to rush my relationship. Rush the timing of everything and force my love's hand. I've seen that by being patient and allowing things to flow, The Most High makes him answer all the questions I want to ask, and despite my wanting to constantly worry about what is going on around me and how I am going to make it, I am learning to just live. TMH has it all under control.

Oubria

12/6/2020 05:17:57 pm

Ha! Trust me I'm getting on my own nerves too. How the heck is somebody supposed to wait for love & move steadily through life?? It makes no sense to me lol. I'm just the messenger, in the struggle right beside u.

Tee

12/6/2020 09:22:00 pm

I felt this post and the comments. I often feel anxious that I'm not doing enough. That I've wasted my life away and I'll have nothing to show for it. No husband, no house, no kids, not even a great job. Then I'll have a moment and I'll just appreciate what I do have. I get to focus on me. Something tells me that in a past life, I had to worry about everyone else first. I find so much joy in the peace and quiet.

I swear every time I try and rush something, it never works out. When I give up and say fine, things fall into place. At the age of 42, I've finally learned to let go and let God. I'm still nosy and be like ok God, what's the plan? But I can now acknowledge that all I have to do is trust my instincts and it'll all work out in the end.

Thea

12/7/2020 03:26:16 am

Ever since I was a child I’ve always felt like a motherless child even when my mother was home. It’s like I didn’t get the shower of feminine love it always felt masculine. I’ve ALWAYS had & still have a rough relationship with my mother. For the longest I never understand why she spoke so rough to me & was so hard on me. No I love you, I am proud of you, nothing. Just hard criticism & tough love. Eventually I started asking the heavy question of why she was the way she was vs me being quiet or angry responses but she pushes me there. The answer was between its the way she was raised & thats how she show love. Sigh. I am soft in nature while she is rough. I may not have gotten all the answers but I have gotten enough info in knowing how to love & deal with my mother the way she is without sacrificing myself and time. The process of getting here was hard & time consuming. I LOVE my mother to death flaws and all but it was so hard loving what was in front on me. Because of her toxic actions & speech I did try to force change & reason onto her but that was a failure. I guess I needed time because this is not a quick fix. I am still practicing patients of time in loving her how she is while not allowing our past toxic relationship pour into my romantic relationship.

LMP

12/7/2020 09:29:00 am

I rushed in to pretty much every relationship I have ever had. Except the one with my husband. I told him after we hit it off, I wouldn’t have sex for two weeks and if he couldn’t wait he could date someone else. This was because I tended to fall in love with anyone who could give me a good orgasm and this time I needed a few weeks to sus out any red flags. At the same time, I realized I very much wanted a child and my clock was ticking, so I went as fast as my conscience allowed.

Some days are fun. Some are boring. Some are tedious. But they are our days. We have been through deep disappointment with each other, simmering anger, we have survived my family and his baby mama throwing all manner of shit our way. It is the most boring, normal, precious thing I have and this post is helping me see I can appreciate it a whole lot more.

That’s what the cards brought up in me. Gratitude.

Kelsey

12/7/2020 05:21:12 pm

I didn't know what to do with this one! Maybe I still don't. Here's something that has occurred to me today when thinking about times when I've rushed in (or into) relationships. I never thought of myself as someone with commitment issues, because a person who has commitment issues is usually described as someone who can't commit in the first place. And in particular, in regards to romantic relationships. That's not me, so yeah… no commitment issues!

Except, wrong. I'm discovering what my issues are, LOL. I've always been a person who--whenever I found someone I really liked and wanted to spend more time with--has had no problem with being willing to commit and just focus on that person and want to be with them all the time. Because I never fully built up the skill of exploring and taking my time with dating, my issues around commitment seem to be more about not knowing how to determine if staying is really right for me. Knowing when to back out/break up baffles me. This has happened many times in my marriage, questioning my commitment. And (even though it's not a romantic relationship) it's happening currently in my relationship with my housemates. We all own the house together, and although I conceptually understand that selling the house if we're not compatible is for sure an option, I have no idea how to determine when I would know if that's the option that would be best. How do we really know whether or not we're compatible?! Baffled.

The energies of this card and your interpretation in this post has me noticing how much time I've spent during some of the most important relationships in my life… how much time I've spent over-thinking the past and future, rather than enjoying the present with these people I've cared so much about.

12/8/2020 03:50:53 am

Just wanted to acknowledge that nothings coming up. I’ve read this post & waited for days for something to show up & it hasn’t.

Oubria, I think it’s so sad that your step mama endured so much, finally left your Dad & was liberated, then got diagnosed with cancer & died. My heart is heartbroken for her.

Your step mom reminds me of my mom. She said in an abusive marriage for 52 years (trauma bond) and now at 73, (3 years after my father’s death), she’s living her life independently. My mom doesn’t know what to do with herself. She’s so use to being a wife & mom. I gave her some suggestions. (She needs someone to talk with, like a therapist)...

Ericka

12/8/2020 09:08:00 pm

For me it was never taking time to be with myself in my 20’s, I definitely jumped from one relationship to the next and was forced finally to sit down somewhere at 25, when I had my first child. That was the moment in life when I first began to acknowledge time, but I was still more focused on love and looking for it in my relationships. My pregnancies didn’t do it for me, I got pregnant too quickly in a relationship full of insecurities. I wasn’t one of the new mothers that was sooo excited about their unborn child. You know the mothers who speak on how they never knew love until they created their child and all the excitement that seemed to come with it...yeah mine was just like okay I’m pregnant, now what?! I acknowledged that a life was growing inside of me and my mother senses just kind of kicked in, but there wasn’t any overwhelming emotions. It felt like I was just doing what I had to do. I know that numbness or disconnect from emotions definitely came from childhood and the lack of emotional exchange growing up.

I’ve Grown so much from 25, to be here now coming into my 33rd birthday on the 12th! I’ve birthed two children and it’s unfortunate that I’m now experiencing being a single mom, but I’m grateful. That is what this post brought up in me, I see myself so much more clearly now and this is such a beautiful message to receive at this point in life. May we all take the time to enjoy the simple beauties of life and all it’s lesson, and really live a life we love for ourselves and all of those loved ones within our bloodline who live on through us.

12/13/2020 09:55:53 am

This made me think of my favorite younger cousin’s current situation. We discuss life and relationships often, even though I told her I’m probably not the best person to offer advice. She has always been the kind of person who has to experience things on her own despite being forewarned by people who have been down the road she is looking to travel. Long story short, she moved out of her mom’s house at 16, had her first child at 17, the child’s father ended up in jail while she was pregnant and didn’t get out until a year after the child was born. When he got out of jail, they moved in together, he cheated on her, they broke up, got back together, had another baby, and got married. My cousin has always said she wanted to be a geriatric nurse, but she put all of that on hold to be a wife and mother. Her husband never stopped cheating on her and about a year after their third child was born, she finally got fed up and got a divorce. The first guy she dated as she was getting a divorce was the complete opposite of her ex. He was smart, ambitious, encouraging, supportive…everything my cousin wanted her husband to be. She broke up with him because she felt he was too clingy and crowded her space. While she was breaking up with the boyfriend, she was “talking to” another person who reminds me so much of her ex-husband. She swears she doesn’t see it. She’s “so happy” on the surface but when she’s upset, she texts me about things he doesn’t do. I recently asked her about her nursing aspirations, and she told me she’s still young (just turned 29) and school will always be there. I don’t think she realizes that the same applies with men. She’s been chasing relationships since she was 16 years old and has not been single since that age. But like she said, she’s still young…hopefully she’ll take a step back from chasing relationships and remember the goals she had for herself.

Dela

12/17/2020 03:14:33 pm

(Spent) This shadow for me lies in the perfection.... the need to be perfect the first time around, otherwise... you ain't getting paid.

Time really is linked to Love. You spend time on what it is you love.

For me... the shadow is the fear of committing to the actual love and abundance. But in order to do that, I have to come to terms with how my perfectionist mindset can trap me into not moving at all. The perfectionist mindset can trap me from not doing the actual work. The perfectionist mindset can restrict myself and my partner for giving the space needed to let things breathe and grow.

When me and my partner work on things creatively together, we butt heads alot. And it's because we have this mindset that things should be a certain way. We want it to perfect in our own individual eyes, rather than giving space for error and learning.

I can see this shadow come up when I try to listen. If I give the time to listen, I can grow my love that much more abundantly. The problem is, I am so triggered at times when I feel like I am not being listened to. Or when I feel like what I am saying is being taken for granted. And then I spend more time sulking in the anger and angst of not being listened to therefore poisoning the relationship.... I need to let it breathe. Give space to grow and make errors. Then talk about it when calmness settles in again. Nobody is perfect. And nobody will get it right the first time.

1/4/2021 06:48:46 am

Finally got back to this.
Um, I relate to your step mom a bit. I will have a migraine and will worry about everything else except laying down and resting. That's a good reminder to simply enjoy my time in the current.

We have a limited amount of time and an infinite amount of love. I love that. There's no point in chasing what I already have, and what I have will clean off the lies I hear in my head.

40 days
of shadow work