day 9: three of cups (turnt)

Peace Family! Today we are looking at the Three of Cups (Mercury in Cancer).

​Y’all know Mercury is the Magician card & Cancer is the Chariot. Shit always gets tricky, tricky, tricky with the Magician so watch your back. The Magician is tricky because he uses his tools either in the positive or the negative. This means his power lies in what he says (or doesn’t say), what he feels (or doesn’t feel), what he does (or doesn’t do), & what he has (or doesn’t have). We’ve already dealt with Magician’s Six Swords (trigger (s)words or words that send you off into a MOOD) & the Magician’s Five Pentacles (can I contribute to your pinnacles/problems pleeeeeaaase??)- but now we’re dealing with Magician’s Three Cups. 

In this case, the Magician’s cups exist in the astrological sign of Cancer, or the Chariot. Remember that Cancer represents the Fourth house of home & the mother, or the mother as home- which is a fancy metaphor for the body-as-mother-and-being-at-home-in-yourself. It makes sense too, because the body is much like the Chariot- its blocky, it takes up space, it has to follow directions in order to move,  its mysterious af (re:sphinxes), & its connected to the heavenly realms (see the stars in the interior?). Also,  if we look at the two masks on the Charioteer’s shoulders, he has badges in both kinds of feels- happy AND sad. When he is in control of his vehicle (body), he’s mastered both spectrums of emotion.

But what happens when the Charioteer hops out of the driver’s seat & the Magician hops in? The Charioteer loses control of the reins, that’s what. HE IS MADE FEEL SOME TYPE OF WAY lol, experiencing twists & turns while struggling to navigate his (e)motions. I can relate. The day I wrote this post, I started the day feeling amazing. I got an email with great news, I cried with validation, appreciation & relief reading y’alls responses on the Nine of Pentacles post, I took my five & three year old to the store in the rain & felt such joy & contentment watching them turn up their faces & laugh. I was in a great mood but then it turned immediately around- my baby daddy irritated the ish out of me & all these messed up I AM statements rose up in my spirit- I am so tired of… I am so sick of... ; then the dude who works behind the counter at our hotel kept asking me to leave a common area for paying guests because he, the employee,  wanted to eat his lunch in there & I had the awful, condescending thought: this is why you can’t be nice to the help because they forget their place; then the dude I was texting hurt my feelings (on purpose I think) to see if I cared & I’m worried my non-reaction was me trying-too-hard not to care which inadvertently showed I do care, FUCKKK. Then I  worried my three year old hasn’t been eating enough vegetables so I did a great job (yay mom!) of getting him to eat all his carrots before letting him have any chicken nuggets BUT he drank too much of his Frosty & threw it all up, carrots included & I spiraled into feeling like the worst mom in the world. Because I needed some comfort (read: male attention & validation),  I found myself fighting the urge to text another dude who ghosted me even though the very fact he ghosted me means he’s not into me.

Let me say- I am SUPER glad this card is coming up toward the end of our shadow work because I don’t think I was emotionally strong enough to handle it in the beginning. That’s because this card takes a great amount of self awareness that I didn’t have before (thanks darkness!).

Follow me- say you woke up on payday planning to wear a cute suit to work but then your kid bumps into you & you spill coffee all over yourself on the way out the door, & you don’t have anything even close to what you wanted to wear clean (because you haven’t done laundry)- so you rush & put on some yoga pants but they’re the ones without the built in waist slimmer so you’re looking more pudgy than usual; & because you’re running late you don’t cook breakfast but instead you get fast food; & because you’re wearing your fat pants & you’re already feeling a bit down, you naturally order more food than usual (bc fuck it), & then you’re eating at a stop light & drop fries in your lap, & when you bend down to pick them up you don’t notice the traffic light turn from red to green, & the person behind you honks & then drives around you & when they pass you they say, LEARN TO DRIVE YOU FAT BROKE BITCH. Annnnnd now you’re crying.

The Three of Cups is this process, whereby three turns-in-a-field (feelings turn around) cause your Chariot to make a 180 degree revolution to where you wind up faced with the opposite emotion than the one you started with. (Woke up feeling like a million bucks on payday, remember?) The key to reversing the Chariot & heading in the right direction is to remember the truth of who you really are. This requires being brutally honest with you regarding who you is & who you ain’t. You are not a broke bitch. This is payday. You are not fat but… are you bigger than you want to be? Yes. Did you order more food than usual? Yes. Should you have done laundry so that you would have a cuter back-up outfit? Yes. Fuck that guy though? Yes, FUCK THAT GUY.

With any vehicle, reversal requires that you stop first & get your bearings. You have to keep a clear perspective of where you ARE (& how you got there!)  in contrast to where you WANT TO BE.  Otherwise you keep going the wrong way until you find yourself screaming & crying uncontrollably outside of your Chariot (read: outside your damn body) asking, how tf did I get here?? And then you have to retrace your steps in the dark- (asshole…french fry... fat pants… laundry… coffee..kid...outfit...payday!) because no one around can shed any light (I don’t get it...Why are you so mad??? It’s payday!) on how you ended up going… there. Even if you find your way back, it's exhausting having your mood go up & down, back & forth like that. Going there makes you emotionally unstable.

Remember, the key is direction. Direction is determined by destination, yes? Which means that regardless of where you go, who you talk to, or what you experience (signs of the times), you do not turn your car (Chariot) towards any feelings (fields) you don’t want to go through. (I’M NOT GOING THERE WITH YOU). 

Folks say feelings are just feelings but emotions, but don’t forget that if an emotion is ENERGY IN MOTION, then your feelings take you places. They drop you off in states of being & planes of existence. If you are sad/mad, no matter how many good things happen, you’re in a “bad place.” If you’re excited / joyful, it doesn’t matter what sucky things occur in your environment, you’re in a “good place,” yes?

Ok, so what destination, what state of being, what plane of existence, what e(motion) should ALWAYS be programmed into our Chariot GPS regardless of what’s going on in front of our window (eyes)? 
​
GRATITUDE (It’s payday!). 

Frfr, it’s in the picture. See the chick with the grapes down by her waist & the yellow smock over her dress (smock in view / mocking you)? Her hand is down so the grapes are forgotten. She’s forgotten-she-feels-grape-full (forgotten to feel grateful). This is why she’s taken aback by the bully in the red cape who is incapable (in-cape-a-bully) of feeling good about anything because she’s totally concealed & you can’t heal what you don’t reveal. Since the bully is afraid of introspection, she tries to make other people miserable by being ready-to-turn-into-view (ready to turn on you) or putting-cistern-in-her-face (putting her sister in her place). The sister in all white is faring a bit better with the grape-full-in-her-hair. She is gratefully aware this bitter bitch is trying to start some shit- so she puts her face up to the chalice (face up to the challenge) & returns the e(motion) to cistern (return to sender / sister). 

Also there’s something here about the way we respond to others based on how honest we are with  ourselves about  ourselves. If we know the truth but desire to conceal it, we come over to defend sis or become overly defensive. If we’re in denial, then when we hear the truth about ourselves we’re unable to respond, not even to defend. We’re completely taken aback. With the example I gave above, an overly defensive person would say, I’m not a fat bitch!!, a person in denial would say, How dare you!! but a human being comfortable in their own skin would say, shut up jerk, my man loves my FAT ASS. 

It appears there are only two options for response when somebody is coming at your head- to be taken aback or get into the shit. But appearances are deceiving (hey Magician!) Both responses have to do with carrying on, around and around with a fool. But grown women who do their shadow work don’t do that. We recognize that engaging with a miserable motherfucker can’t help but rub off on you, no matter what you say. It’s like quick sand- whether you push back or pull away, you’re STUCK.

The way to re-route your Chariot (read: get yourself together) is stop trying to win (play stupid games, win stupid prizes) & just be still. Look down (find some in view, grapes on the floor) & find something in YOU to be grateful for that sends you emotionally in the opposite direction (It’s payday!) Misery loves company but contentment & appreciation stand alone. 

The Three of Cups is where we learn to turn ourselves around. Instead of following the path, we become the path. 

​Don’t get run over. Be a path. 

A path, thee. Apathy.

Fuck you, could care less.

(Keep it moving.) 

Edit: It's been a few days since I originally wrote this, & during that time I've had a couple of occasions come up that made me recognize my own bitter-bastard shadow. As much as I wanted to think of the Three of Cups as returning/ refusing negative emotion, the Most HIgh showed me how it can also mean accepting & appreciating positive emotion. 

Over the last week, three different women each, in turn, said something to me that moved me to actual tears of relief & joy. I was feeling a-type-of-way & they each (without knowing each other) turned me right around.

Let us acknowledge that this too, is the Three of Cups- words spoken in love, from a well (wealth) of love can turn your self around. (Fixed your wagon, huh? )

Life's not all bad. :)