 For those of y'all who follow my readings on YouTube, you know I like to read the backstory from the bottom of the deck. Those are the cards that explain what happened leading up to the current situation. I looked at the bottom of the deck for this reading too, but there was too damn much to explain. I think that's the point actually- that there is too much history, too much backstory, too much water that drowned the bridge. One thing was clear- if we are to move forward into a new story, it's time to leave the past in the past.
Somebody might think we're f***** up for moving on (or vice versa) & I understand their objections because tbh I saw enough love in that backstory to power a sky full of stars & fill an ocean of tears. It was such an overwhelming, all consuming, always & forever, die-without-you kind of love that I lost focus for a second & had to drag myself out my feelings back to the task at hand. Even after an eternity of forevers, it was the kind of love to make you beg Father Time for 'please just one more day.' But Time said naw. Time said issa distraction. It kind of reminded me of Adam & Eve. Remember how at first Adam was focused af, naming all the plants, birds, creepers, crawlers & swimmers? He worked so hard he wore himself out & his soul longed for a help-mate to share the load. God saw Adam's work was good so he rewarded him with Eve, but Lawd Adam wasn't ready for such a measure of grace. Poor baby couldn't concentrate no more at all & Eve too, all she wanted to do was lay up. Both of them started making poor choices for the sake of prancing 'round naked till death do us part. Truthfully Eve should have been looking for greens to boil & bird to fry (Queen shit), but Devil said 'apples easier.' Adam should have sat her down for a lecture about order, function & following rules (King shit) but Eve said 'Devil said apples easier.' & Just like that their quest for ease led to the discovery of dysfunctional. Over the next 30 days, if we find ourselves longing to reunite with an easy lover, we should know that's EXACTLY why Time forced us apart. Here it is the whole damn world is on fire & all we wanna do is make love in the flames. Time said make yourselves useful & cry me a river instead. (& when you through, there's work to do.)
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 I used to watch a show on HBO called Weeds, & there was a scene where a teenaged boy named Silas told his deaf girlfriend, "I love you." To which she replied, "You fucking better." It was funny because she had that speech impediment that many deaf people have when they can't hear to adjust the sound of their own voice. You would think she'd be insecure but she was far from it. Whereas some girls more genetically fortunate might respond, "You do?! I love you too!", feeling lucky to be loved, this inexplicably secure child wasn't confused at all about who was the prize in their relationship.
One of the reasons she was so confident was because she worked her ass off despite her disability. She'd faced & conquered obstacles that gained her own respect. It was this inborn bad-assery that got her accepted to a prestigious ivy league university, & her beloved was NOT happy for her. He knew he hadn't worked hard enough to join her, so for the sake of loooooove, he asked her to stay behind. She was like, boy bye LOL. Not to be deterred, he switched tactics. He told her they needed to get busy as much as possible before she left, to preemptively make up for the time they'd be apart. Then he poked holes in all his condoms, & she was pregnant by mid-summer. His plan backfired of course- her father forced her to get an abortion, beat Silas up, banned him from her life, & packed her fast ass off to school a few weeks early. Welp. I guess real life happens when you're making other plans. This anecdote is a metaphor for the perspective we should hold this month. We've graduated from asking whether or not we are loved (of COURSE we are loved! What's not to love??) - but a better question is, what kind of love is this? What is the quality of this love? What effect does this love have on my life? In the tarot, love is represented by water. You know that phrase, "Water seeks its own level...?" It's like that. No matter how much someone loves you or you love them, if y'all ain't flowing from the same source or seeking the same end, winding up together means somebody has to sink or somebody has to rise, or both. Otherwise, separation is natural (but not necessarily forever). With the couple from Weeds, they actually did end up together. Several seasons later, they randomly bumped into each other & he confessed she was the only woman he'd ever loved. They were in much different places in their lives than before; she was an accomplished, degreed professional, & he was a highly sought after, hard working herbal entrepreneur. Suddenly the water between them didn't require stagnation or manipulation & it just... flowed. They got married, had their baby & enjoyed a pretty good life. But imagine what would have happened if lil' his plan had worked...? Imagine if she'd agreed to stay home from college, or had their baby before her time? Their relationship would have been fraught with resentment, insecurity, rage. As soon as the going got tough, she would have disassociated, wishing she had chosen differently, & he would have lashed out, demanding she prove she still thought him worth the sacrifice. And somewhere a baby would be crying. Shout out to the young girl's father, the real OG of the story. As the original source of his daughter's self-esteem & impressive accomplishments, he was not about to let some wayward, half-raised child mess up all his hard work. He did what he had to do to get that young man the hell away from his daughter, as he should. Over the next thirty days, if we find ourselves wondering whatever happened to that person who was supposed to love us (never mind how we had to flip the dimmer switch lest we shine too bright on our beloved), DON'T. If they gone, it's because Daddy wanted them gone. If nothing else, the Most High protects His investments. You cannot lowball God's children. You cannot covet a holy treasure so much that you damage it to win by default. That's called stealing & shoplifters will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This month, as we learn the difference between those who want us & those who can afford us, we are meant to bask in our worthiness. (& know that one way or another, somebody gon' pay...)  You know, many of the advanced videos games people play didn't originate as games, but as training simulators for soldiers before military combat. The brain learns better when it thinks it's having fun. These "games" help fortify our reflexes, resourcefulness, strategy, critical thinking & common sense.
Another game that can be used for a similar purpose (don't laugh) is PacMan. PacMan is a perfect training module for the game of life, where we routinely gobble up an endless supply of breadcrumbs, ever hopeful for the rare taste of fruit. And true to life, as soon as we make progress on our quest for elusive moments of satisfaction, here come those damn ghosts. There are four ghosts in PacMan, named (in no particular order) Inky, Blinky, Pinky & Clyde, each with his own assignment for distraction and destruction. Inky scares PacMan into making the wrong move, Binky chases him relentlessly, Pinky ambushes him strategically & inconsistent Clyde taunts our hero by keeping his distance while moving in unpredictable ways. But low-key, this foolishness teaches a wise PacMan player valuable skills. Through these attacks, the player learns how to pivot (move around these mf's), how to plan (stay a step ahead of these mf's), how to prey (the jail these mf's dug for you is the one they're gonna rot in), & how to prioritize (focus only on the mf's who focus on YOU). Understand, that if you play the game & you acquire those skills, you've WON, regardless of the score. And once you accept you've been thoroughly trained, you can quit playing. This month, it's time to put the games away, because there is a real war brewing outside. Yet we need not be afraid because it turns out that what we thought was persecution was merely loving preparation. As a result, there's nothing left to do except show up & show out. And the best part is that unlike stupid games with stupid prizes, the spoils of war are real. First we conquer. Then we collect.  Sometimes when I shuffle the cards for the Monthly Word, I hear messages. This time I heard: “Count your blessings, not your money.” Welp.
One thing I’ve learned about blessings AND money, is that they both come from the same source: relationships. All forms of currency, whether earned (money) or unearned (blessings), exist only in transference from one person, or conduit, to another. Money is kind of predictable. In most cases, you know how you got it, you know exactly what you can & can’t do with it, & (ideally) you know how or when you can get some more. Blessings on the other hand are unpredictable. You don’t know how you got them, & you aren’t positive what you can or will do with them, & you have no idea how or when you can get some more. Money is a timing thing, hence the phrase, “time is money.” Money is currency, which is nearly identical to the word “currently.” The word “currently,” is a couple letters longer than the word, “current,” which defines what is NOW (currently) happening, but also defines the movement of water, i.e. the ebb & flow of the tides. The tide comes & goes just like money. Therefore, as long as the sun continues to rise & fall, and as long as the moon orbits the earth, then the tides, & the current ( i.e. the ebb & flow of currency) is guaranteed. You don’t have to watch the waves to know that as surely as they go out, they will be back. The tide is time, is clockwork. What goes around, comes around, what is spent will be replaced, forever & ever Amen. However blessings are not a cycle (like money), blessings are a storm. You don’t see blessings coming & just as quickly they are gone. They are sudden, powerful, whimsical, illogical. A blessing demands to be watched, thunders for your attention, screams for a moment of your eternal awe & then disappears into placidity as if it never was, like childhood. Like children. This month, the Most High asks us why we spend so much time watching our money instead of our blessings, when one is statistics & the other is fireworks. The Most High wonders why we are like busy parents herding our kids through a crowd, distractedly counting the same dollars in our wallet, while paying no attention to the fact that the loved ones we came with are disappearing into the fray one by one. The Most High wonders how we would feel if we arrived home with a wallet full of dollar bills and our babies grown & gone. This month, perspective is needed. We are called to ponder the cost of the priceless, & ask ourselves why we are fixated on coins when we already have SO MANY THINGS no amount of money could buy. The assumption that blessings are unpredictable is only half true, by the way. It is true that the timing & circumstances of their arrival is uncertain, but the length of their stay is exact & inextricably tied to our level of attention to & appreciation of their presence. When blessings (like children) don’t feel seen, loved & appreciated, they tend to wander off when nobody’s watching. The Most High doesn’t send storms of goodness for them to sit around & be ignored. Therefore, we are encouraged to stop counting our eggs when we need to be feeding our chickens. And on the flip side, if we are the chicken & folks full from our yolk keep counting our eggs without giving a cluck, we are encouraged to shut it down & starve ‘em out. This month, what is not loved will surely be lost, & what is not appreciated will be dried up & given away. Luckily it’s free to pay attention. (It’s a blessing, actually.)  Beloveds please forgive the monthly reading being late once again. I pulled the cards for the collective days ago, wrote a rough draft, & then was inundated with a series of mildly fortunate-disguised-as-frustrating events which prevented me from putting out the final copy, & then when I went to put the reading up, I realized the energy had shifted (full moon/ eclipse/ retrogrades, oh my...). So I pulled the cards again & the message was totally different, & (imo) better.
I lowkey think that is the message. Feel me- A minute back we asked the Most High for something. Even if we didn't ask for it out loud, the quiet longings of our heart yearned a prayer into the cosmos. Whatever it was we wanted was too fantastic to hope for, yet too wonderful not to dream, so we indulged ourselves a bit. If you're a kid & you want a pony but you know you're not going to get a pony, there's no harm in letting your imagination run away with you a bit, yeah? Might as well ask for two ponies... better yet, a unicorn family with rainbow hooves... better yet, the unicorn family is the starring act in a travelling circus, complete with games (where we always win the prizes), unlimited rides on the Ferris wheel, laser tag, bottomless cotton candy, & free nachos for all. Since there's not a risk of fantasy becoming reality, we might as well dream big, if for no other reason than it makes the hours go by. You know what else makes the hours go by...? Adulting. Details. A thousand tiny disappointments piling like sticks. Distractions. Sleep. Resignation. Working hard & then working harder. The sudden shock of results. The slow growth of patience. The realization that the meantime is the only time there is. Acceptance. Lemonade. Laundry. Grace. Sidenote: Y'all know I love my movie metaphors. Have y'all ever seen the movie "Practical Magic...?" Among other things, its about a woman-who-when-she-was-a-girl, decided she never wanted to fall in love. To make sure of it, she wished for an impossible partner: someone who could hear her call from miles away, with one green eye & one blue. She figured if she gave her soul to someone she'd never meet, then her heart could never be broken. Then she grew up & married a perfectly nice, brown eyed man, & that man died. The woman grew very depressed, & threw herself into her work & her children to keep her head above the wave of sadness that threatened constantly to drown. And then wonder of wonders, through a series of mildly-fortunate-disguised-as-terrible events, the blue eyed/ green eyed man she'd wished for arrived perplexed on her doorstep. Have you ever heard the Rumi quote, "What you are seeking is also seeking you...?" In the month of July, against all odds, we may hear faintly carousel music in the wind, or whiff the scent of freshly roasted peanuts. There could also be a series of inexplicable rainbow hoof imprints rumored through the town. Despite the joy threatening our bellies, skepticism will be our most natural response. Be that as it may, a self-conscious circus master (people tend to stare at his eyes) is searching high & low for a spot to graze his ponies, & the empty field next door to our quaint little house is the best spot for miles around. We might want to pluck some lemons off our tree & make a tall pitcher of cool drink, since he's hot & thirsty & headed this way. Imagine that.  It's June y'all. It's Gemini season, the exact mid-point of this crazy ass 2020 year. In the tarot, the card that represents Gemini is the Lovers. The Lovers represent duality, choice, confusion, & the hi-jinx that ensue when we attempt to waddle the middle road instead of picking a side.
As much as we'd prefer this was a both/and kind of world, it really is an either/or kind of world. The true tea is that we can't have it both ways. If we could have it both ways it would look like this: There is a certain thing we want. We ask the universe for that thing. Things that are not that thing appear. We feel frustrated. But then immediately, before we feel too frustrated, that thing appears. We are so happy. All we had to do was wait. The end. But since that's bullshit & we can't have it both ways, it really works like this: There is a certain thing we want. We ask the universe for that thing. Things that are not that thing appear. In our hearts, we choose that thing that is not in front of us, therefore in our minds, we choose nothing. More things that are not that thing appear. Our hearts cry out for that thing. Again, we choose nothing. Even more things that are not that thing appear. We get anxious. We are very tempted to choose the things that are not that thing because those things seems to be the only things there are. We get more anxious. We are beside ourselves, exhausted, animated only by the desire for that thing. We choose nothing still. And then- Y'all really thought I was finna end that with "The thing appears," huh? Naw, because that would be harder than the first example, but still too easy. The true tea is that you gotta want that thing so fkn much that you GIVE UP that thing. Because if you are able to have that thing just because it eventually showed up; well then you didn't choose that thing, you just waited for it. Granted you may have waited a really long time but at the end of the day, wait was all you did. Choosing that thing means you refuse to accept anything BUT that thing even if that thing never appears. At the end of the day, waiting is easy. But because of having to accept that day may never come, choosing is hard. For instance, what if you really want a million dollars & you ask God for a million dollars. And then suddenly someone offers you a half-million dollars. And then you have this moment of confusion like- should I accept this half-a-million dollars...? Its not exactly what I asked for but maybe God is a good-enough God instead of a just-right God & this half million is good enough...? But then right before you choose the good-enough Godsend, someone hands you a million dollars! Thanks God! You're always Right! On! Time! Yeah, naw. But when you can walk away from 999 thousand dollars with nothing but lint in your pocket, positive that your million is in the opposite direction from the Land of Good Enough Where God Only Keeps Some Of His Promises; when you can ignore folks fussing 'bout how you think you too good for 999 thousand when that's plenty enough God's promise for most; when you wearing dusty shoes & a raggedy bra & you gotta borrow a $20 from the pile of wealth you turned your nose up at, well now we talking about somebody making a choice. Because we either choose to believe God's promise for our lives or we don't. We can't have it both ways. & If we choose the promised moment over the present moment, then we got to shut the hell up about waiting. If your wife says she was gonna be home by six & she don't show up by ten, you 'gon be re-married by eleven...? Naw. You go look. If your beloved ain't where you are, then go where your beloved is. Because I kid you not, God is so petty that he ain't finna give us a damn thing we asked for until we decisively turn down & walk away from everything that ain't it. We must very clearly & repeatedly, even at great personal expense, continue to refuse what we DO NOT choose, to make space for what we asked for. Don't let the Most High be working to bring us Big Macs & we sitting here sleepy off some Junior Whoppers. How embarrassing. This Gemini season, as we sit smack dab in the halfway point of a year that was supposed to be lit but is an actual dumpster fire, this is where we decide. This is where we choose. This is NOT where we wait. This is where we recognize that if what we don't want is here, then what we do want is...not here. That simple awareness, that this ain't it, is a choice. Now we're getting somewhere.  Y'all gon have to forgive me for posting this message three days late, but figuring out what the Most High was trying to tell me was like separating insect legs from a spider web. It was delicate, messy & took a little bit of time, but I finally got it together. In fact I think that is the overall message for the next 30 days- that despite how crazy & complicated shit may look, we will FINALLY get it together.
But first we gotta figure out what's taking so long. Disclaimer: This reading is going to include an extended analysis of the movie Boomerang with Eddie Murphy & Halle Berry so if you haven't seen it, go watch it & then come back for the message. Now then: Y'all remember Marcus Graham (played by Eddie Murphy), yes...? He was the man every man wanted to be & the man *most* women wanted to be with. He was handsome, educated, cultured, funny, charismatic, with a strong work ethic, a good job, his own place & great friends. As the movie opens, we see him pretend to lose his pretend dog "Kirby" so that a beautiful woman (played by the lovely Lela Rochon) will take pity on him & agree to a date. *Record scratch* Whyyyyy does a man as fine & accomplished as Marcus Graham need to scheme to get p***y?! Can't he just... introduce himself & ask a woman out? Idk, make it make sense. We know that Marcus is brilliant, fine, talented & accomplished, yes...? That is the objective truth. Yet as wealthy as he is (because true wealth is more than money), he makes really poor, broke, basic ass choices. Instead of being an honorable dude, he chooses to lie, scheme, manipulate, use & discard women. And as a result, he himself is lied to, schemed on, manipulated, used & discarded. But by the end of the movie, big bad Marcus has learned his lesson. He has been humbled & awakened by true love & he promises to never, ever be a jerk face again. He has gotten a "taste of his own medicine," & he & Angela (Halle Berry) walk off hand in hand into the sunset & the credits roll, the end. Ok but I bet you five dollars that Marcus will figure out a way to eff up his new start with Angela unless he gets to the root of his poor choices. Because if you get a taste of your own medicine, doesn't that mean you got a taste of the tactics you use to manage your sickness...? Ok but why are we focused on the medicine & not the sickness...? What was it about Marcus's upbringing, childhood trauma, jacked up examples of toxic masculinity & femininity, etc. that made him believe that ANY of his choices during the movie were even halfway ok, from lying to get sex, to humping Lady Eloise (Eartha Kitt) for a promotion, to seducing his boss, to sleeping with his best friend's girl, to cheating on someone who actually loved him with a weaved up thot who didn't gaf. Why was he bored by the love of a good woman, & excited by the attention of a broad who could care less? Because without searching for that true truth- without sipping that real tea, without a conscious understanding of his unconscious choices, Marcus is doomed to repeat these same toxic cycles & poor choices until...shit, until. And as for Ms. Angela- she needs to figure out why she was so hungry for attention & affection that being sloppy seconds was as acceptable as being fresh firsts. Why was it ok for Marcus to FINALLY see her as a viable option, only after she had listened to all his problems, tried endlessly to cheer him up, used her creativity to save his job, AND helped him wash all those damn dishes after Thanksgiving dinner? What the hell happened in her formative years that made her happy with receiving the bare minimum while doing the absolute most...? And why after raising her standards personally & professionally was Marcus able to get back in her good graces with a damn speech about breathing instead of any real action or proof on his part that he had finally found some act right...? And while on the subject of disrespect, why would Gerard (David Alan Grier) take Marcus back as a friend after what he did?? Must be that Gerard was used to putting his emotions aside for the sake his nearest & dearest who (like his parents) apparently have no impulse control. Bam! Bam! Bam! Pretty much everybody in this movie with a story line was pining for the love & attention of someone who could care less about their feelings, which is an issue likely rooted in their childhood. Jacqueline didn't give a fuck so Marcus wanted her, Marcus wasn't paying Angela no mind so she wanted him. Then once Angela turned cold on Marcus, he realized she was the one he wanted all along. So Angela...won...? Her & Marcus are...in love now...? Ok. So what is this "love" that Angela & Marcus have won? Because imho, it ain't love, issa habit. Issa addiction. He's addicted to wanting what he can't have (overcompensating due to hidden insecurities) & she's addicted to having what she shouldn't want (accepting bullshit due to low self worth). Both of these addictions likely grabbed hold before either Marcus or Angela were aware of them & they will continue to play out until one or both of them gets sick and tired of being sick & tired & get off the the merry go round to go figure out their shit ALONE. Over the next 30 days (& beyond tbh) we may all receive a visit from the Marcus' in our lives- folks who suddenly realize how much they love & miss us, conveniently timed with the moment we've stopped giving a damn. Or maybe we are the Marcus in this scenario. Either way, whether we are returning or being returned to, it's important to come to the conversation with a clear understanding of what happened to make the relationship fall apart in the first place. Here's the rub though- if, in your opinion, the reason why things fell apart has anything to do with the other person, you're doing it wrong. We must realize that nine out of ten times, the way we treat others & the way we allow others to treat us has nothing to do with the people we're dealing with & everything to do with the way the folks who raised us dealt with us. In other words, the fruit begins at the ROOT. And if you analyze the root & recognize the tree is rotten & accept the fruit is dead...but you can't help but have a taste for it... Honey, STARVE. Your resistance will create a new seed, which will sprout a new root, which will grow a new fruit, which you must remember to feed yourself FIRST. It won't taste like anything you've ever experienced, & that is a good thing.  This month we need to get wise to our own spiritual antibodies & metaphysical vaccines. They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It seems counter-intuitive, the way modern medicine doses those ounces of prevention, no...? You may ask, why would they give me a small bit of the disease that can kill me, to keep it from killing me? Well, The Art of War, that's why. Sun Tzu said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."
Vaccines are a form of giving you the disease's playbook, so your immune system can build a whole army of soldiers who will shut that bullshit down. Disclaimer: I am not talking about actual doctors, vaccines or antibodies. Truth be told I don't trust them at all, because Tuskegee, because Henrietta Lacks, because rampant autism in over-vaccinated brown boys. Don't @ me either, I said what I said. This is a metaphor, not a debate. Put your thinking cap on. Come to think of it, thinking caps are a lot like helmets. & You really only need helmets in times of danger, yeah...? There are three kinds of natural responses when danger lurks- you can run toward it, you can run away from it, or you can disassociate & look for distractions like Netflix, brews, blunts & sweet treats to soothe the bottomless despair. No diss or judgment regarding which response you choose- but since victory is only possible if you know yourself along with your enemy, it's important to be honest with you about you. Trust & believe your enemy has been watching & planning on you to do what you always do. The good news is if you know what you're gonna do, you lowkey already know what your enemy is going to do. But. Have you ever seen a football movie where the coach knows the other team has watched all their videos & memorized all their moves...? That's the part in the movie where he comes up with some new shit. Executes some new plays. That's a football metaphor but for consistency's sake, let's throw it back to the medical metaphor for a moment. Medically speaking, that's when the coach teaches his players how to... mutate. He teaches them how to do something the other army...er...team, would never see coming no matter how hard they watched. And when it's time to implement those new plans to defeat the enemy, how would the army...er...team, know without tipping off the other side? Signals, that's how. Symbols. Wonders. Signs of the Times. This is why paying very close attention to the Coach is so very important, because subtlety is key. When the game is at it's thickest, you must never take your eyes off your Captain. Regardless of the explosions that surround you, you mustn't be distracted from His face. Therefore this month, we cannot stress about strife or instability, for how can you study your enemy's strategies & weaponry if you don't let him attack you a little bit? Our position may appear vulnerable, but truly, it is our strength. If we are careful not to panic, we can utilize this unprecedented opportunity to pay attention, to our opponent AND our Captain. Especially our Captain. Because after He's seen all He needs to see, please believe he's finna tighten up the team & change the game. The battle is already won & victory is assured, however it remains to be seen who will or won't make the cut. Guess we better play our position. ️  Sometimes words mean one thing, but we understand them to mean another thing. For instance, the word love - to me, that word should be synonymous with freedom. However the way I've experienced the word love; from my parents, friends, partners, children, etc.- the word is actually synonymous with obedience. Not, I love you, therefore I want you to do what you want to do- but, if you loved me, you'd do what I wanted you to do.
Do you see the difference? The difference between being LOVE & being LOVED? When we were children, we were taught that in order to be loved, we had to do what our parents told us to do, when they told us to do it. Otherwise they were cold, angry, rude & judgmental. And just like the worker who gets bossed around dreams of being the boss who bosses workers around - when we got old enough to exist in love relationships outside our parents, our first order of business was to establish dominance: IF you love me, you would DO what makes me happy. And if our beloved didn't acquiesce to our demands, we were cold, angry, cold, rude & judgmental. And just like children who eventually move away from their implacable parents in order to live their own guilt-free lives, so have the people who promised to love us put distance between themselves & our mean asses, in order to live their own guilt-free lives. At this lonely, bewildering crossroads, we can arrive at one of two conclusions. We could decide that 1) No one has ever figured out how to love us or we could 2) recognize that we have never figured out how to love. For the Bible says that "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres...love never fails..." Welp, that sounds dangerous & vulnerable & uncomfortable af, don't it? It sounds like Bible love can get you run over out here in these relationship streets. Its much safer to protect yourself with strict guidelines, strong boundaries, & frequent reminders about all the shit you ain't finna tolerate based on all the shit you already tolerated that you shouldn't have tolerated. Protection, safety, boundaries- these are also words that perhaps don't mean what we think they mean. For we tell ourselves these words mean we've taken the necessary steps to ensure we are secure; but strong insistence upon security indicates an underlying belief that whatever we're trying to secure is in actuality, insecure. Over the next month, we will be forced to realize that all our fancy footwork around the requirements of love is a poor disguise for the fact that we've been too weak & scared to engage with love directly. Love is a lion-hearted game & we've been playing pussycat. Do you know how mama birds make sure their little baby birds know how to fly & support themselves in the wind? She kicks their ass out the nest, that's how. She gives them something more important to focus on than fear: survival. Do you know how the Most High makes sure His little beautiful baby-lows learn how to soar spiritually & muster the strength to support themselves? He makes them fall in love, that's how. He gives them something more important to obsess over other than themselves: another. That last part of that bible verse about love says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." Expecting to be loved is proof of a childish mind. Desiring to love is evidence of maturity. Over the next 30 days, we're all being blessed with a reason to grow the fuck up. Let the church say, Amen.  The reason why we have names & addresses is so that we can get what we got coming. When our name is on a special delivery, we know for sure that it's ours; when our name is not on a special delivery, we can be sure that it's NOT ours.
Now when we know for sure that we have a treat coming, & that it has our name on it, we can get a little antsy. We want what's ours & we want it NOW! Temper tantrums are always adorable but over the next 30 days, the Most-High is not amused. We are being asked (forced, actually) to grow-the-heck-up & exercise patience. Imagine if you ordered something from an online store & every single item you picked was out of stock. So you finally settled for items that were good enough (I guess), but not exactly, perfectly right. And then imagine that as soon as you receive your delivery confirmation for all the good-enough stuff you kinda want, the store gets a brand new shipment of all the stuff you REALLY want. Your items will take longer to be sorted & delivered, but aren't they worth the wait? WAIT is the key word for February, for more reasons than one. Not only do we have to wait for our "good enough" choices to be undone, but we also have to wait for our "just right" delivery to be...delivered. Plus, there is a rather suspiciously observant neighbor across the way, who can tell we have something amazing coming, who doesn't follow the rules of paragraph 1. This neighbor doesn't need their name to be on the package because this neighbor feels fine taking other people's shit. How does this neighbor know we have something coming? Our behavior, of course. Our WHERE-IS-IT?!? tantrum can be heard in all the houses. Everyone has heard us calling Corporate, demanding to speak to the supervisor's supervisor. Therefore over the next 30 days, we must be patient, peaceful & present. If our blessings are taking too long to materialize, its because a) good things take time b) perfection takes even longer & c) the streets are watching & the delivery driver wants to make sure he puts what belongs to us in OUR hands & no one else's. This month, delayed doesn't mean denied- it means customized, personalized, certified & ACTUALIZED; for how does a rush delivery benefit us, if our order is rushed directly to a thief? We are advised to play it cool. But since the Most High knows its hard for us to pretend there is nothing to see...our performance is lovingly made more believable by the fact that there is actually nothing to see. Our gift will arrive as soon as the wrong eyes get bored watching. Wait. ❤ |
by Oubriaa monthly message, alchemized from the tarot cards, seasoned with intuition and life experience, served with love (sometimes with a side of spicy cussin) Archives
November 2020
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