 This is oddly specific but some of you raised yourselves because your mama was too hurt/angry/wild to do it. You were a very good parent to yourself... & then you weren't...& now you are back on the job. You've come full circle. You could be hesitant to move into the next phase; almost like allowing you-as-your-child off punishment after disciplining yourself back on track. You are highly protective of your new energy. You'll cut somebody over your baby tbh (& by baby, I mean yourself). As you should.
This month, Mercury turns retrograde in Gemini. In the tarot, Mercury represents the Magician (personal power) & Gemini represents the Lovers (twins / duality). This energy finds us searching our mirrors to reflect upon whether we truly see ourselves (or not). Perception determines reality; are we focused on how far we've come or how far we have left to go? Do we see who we've become, or who we used to be? Spiritually speaking, it's as if we shed a ton of weight but we're still walking around in the same baggy clothes. Its time to invest our resources in showcasing our hard work, instead of using them to hide what we no longer need to be ashamed of. Once we clearly see ourselves as being 100% that bitch, we'll feel confident enough to take the next steps. Some might think we're headed in the wrong direction but part of being a baddie is successfully doing exactly what folks say we can't do (especially when what they really mean is we're doing something they can't do). Tough titty for them, but your mama ain't raise no fool (& by your mama, I mean you). Happy Mother's Day!
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 Springtime is ripe for new adventures. But like the old folks say, the places you're going now, everybody can't go. Sensing this development, we may have distanced ourselves from those destined to spend a season with us (but not a lifetime).
Except maybe we did, once upon a time, promise our undying love. It's not uncommon to do so when you couldn't imagine ever feeling any other way than you felt. But, people change. Like the old folks also say, keep living. Plus, it's kind of like we honored the until-death deal, since the person who promised is dead & here we stand in their place with a drastically different perspective than our former self. But you best believe these re-routes come with (sometimes dramatic) repercussions. Especially if after pledging no allegiance, we stake our claim in a shiny new life. There are blues songs written about this very thing. Also court transcripts from sensational trials. 'Cus people don't take kindly to being left behind. So this month, if folks are throwing a tantrum in your rear view mirror, keep your peace. Those who cannot have your love will do anything for your attention. Maybe you can't help but notice, but don't you dare look. (Resist the devil & he will flee.)  It pays to leave the past in the past, even if the past was as recent as last month, last week, five minutes ago. Time waits for no man (or woman), & that includes the stories we tell ourselves about what folks can do. About what folks are capable of. Oxford Dictionary defines the word underestimate as: to estimate (something) to be smaller or less important than it actually is. Also, an estimate that is too low.
I, personally, love an underdog. Take Malcolm X for example- an orphaned ward of the state, a gambler, a thief, a hustler, a blight. And yet he became, as Ozzie Davis put it, "a prince- our own black shining prince!"; an icon who still, all these years after his death, serves the most potent example of honorable black manhood. Even so, those who knew Malcolm Little might have had a hard time accepting the transformed Malcolm X because some folks are too lazy to change their sheets, let alone their mind. Over the next 30 days, folks may want to treat you (see also: pay you) based on who you used to be, what they used to know or what folks used to say. It's going to suck but you can't worry about all that. In fact, you shouldn't worry about anything except honoring who you are right now, appreciating how far you've come & seeing how you can be a better bitch tomorrow. You can't lose when your only competition is yourself. And if, in sublime recognition of who you've become, you feel compelled to spread the word about yourself, save your breath. Folks who knew you on the bottom won't want to hear you talk about being on top. They won't want to know they've underestimated you. They won't want to see you get out of your place. Again, that will suck but you can't worry about all that. They'll come around as soon as it benefits them to tell someone else they know you. You better believe they'll come around when it serves them. And when that happens, don't you dare make the same mistake they made & underestimate the lengths to which they'll go. They'll confess they were wrong about you, but deep down inside, they just want to prove, close up, that they were right. Even if they have to take matters into their own hands. Their schemes won't hurt you but prepare to be appalled. Let the side show begin.  Sometimes we ask God for things, but then they take forever (and a day) because God's timing is not our timing. Sometimes the things we want aren't ready; sometimes we aren't ready for the things. In the meantime, lots of things-that-aren't-the-thing present themselves. In the worst case scenario, we get so worn down navigating through disappointment & hopelessness at countless interactions with things-that-are-not-the-thing, that when the thing finally appears, we don't have enough faith or optimism left over to appreciate the magnitude of the fact: the thing we asked God for has appeared. Instead we are jaded, calloused, grown up. Too responsible to believe, too smart to care. We have a Master's degree in playing it cool & a Doctorate in not getting our hopes up. It's crazy how, when you're young they tell you that what you desire will come with time; but after the time is spent, common sense tells you that what you desire is never coming at all. (Which isn't very logical because everyone eventually ends up where they're going, don't they?) Instead of saying FINALLY & opening our arms, we say NEVER AGAIN and zip our lips, ball our fists & turn our backs. Suddenly even things going right are nothing except a reminder of what could go (& has gone) wrong.
This month, we must be careful that the behaviors that got us this far (skepticism, doubt, and loyalty exclusively to self) don't send us right back to where we started. In this brave new world, any effort to open our hearts will be rewarded, even if it's just a tiny bit. Ain't nothing wrong with believing the best in folks & receiving goodness & showing love. Most blessings-aside from manna from heaven & the ram in the bush- show up in the form of people. God may not come when you want Him but He's always right on time. And speaking of the Most High- if someone asked You for something that You specially customized, carved & chiseled- but then when it came time to give the thing to the person who asked for the thing - they barely said thank You & treated the experience like it didn't matter anyway because Your exquisite workmanship took too long- & along the way there were too many counterfeiters spoiling the fun - how would You feel? And how is it God's fault we kept getting lured by not-the-thing anyway?? And aren't we grateful for finally learning the difference between the thing & not-the-thing? And aren't we ready to put our skills of discernment to the ultimate test? And haven't we learned yet that indifference is just another snare of the devil?? Now is the time to rejoice, dammit. The kingdom (whatever that means to You) is here. "Behold I do a new thing; now it shall spring up. Will ye not know it?"  When certain folks see you making a tiny bit of progress, they love to throw shade your way. Shade, i.e. shadows, a.ka. parts scary & unknown is a great detractor, because it keeps you from seeing how far you've really come. It messes with your perspective. In the movies, shade throwers & obstacle makers are called antagonists. Their job is to make it harder for you to achieve your dreams (especially if you're determined to succeed against all odds) so they feel better about giving up on their own dreams (especially if they couldn't help but cry uncle at the slightest sign of trouble). Antagonists are the embodiment of misery & they want your company, dammit. The more you struggle, the more they oppress. The more you shine, the more they suppress. The more you persist, the more they do their best to wear you the hell out. Their patterns are quite predictable, actually.
This inevitable conundrum is why Jesus said, "bless those who curse you," a.k.a mental martial arts, wherein you move with your opponent, absorb their energy & return it to sender when they are the most vulnerable to establish a flawless victory. Instead of depleting your energy confronting every slight, you observe & conserve until the time is right. This looks (key word: looks) like making peace. Acquiescence. Plateauing. Maybe even lending your time, talent & resources toward their cause, to sabotage their sabotage through the guise of teamwork making the dreamwork (which suddenly seems attainable now that you're on board). You know what really makes the dream work though? Patience. Practice. Purpose. Suffering in silence. Trust in the Master's plan. When the moment is right & your skills are ripe, an opportunity to achieve what was always meant for you to achieve will present itself. If the antagonists understood this- that no man can unearth a seed planted by God- they would have busied themselves in their own gardens, rather than sowing weeds in yours. This January, we no longer have to pretend to oppose our own self-interests. Our superpowers have been unleashed. It's time to show ourselves, the antagonists & anyone one else watching the drama unfold what we can really do. Click-click-BOOM- (you can't shade the bomb)  This month re-teaches a lesson we’ve surely learned before, but sometimes the most valuable wisdom bears repeating: It ain’t supposed to be that hard.
There is someone in our lives (or maybe you are the mysterious someone...?) who keeps their treasure locked tight. They say you have to spend money to make money; they say you have to give to receive; they say as you give, so shall it be given unto you. I don’t know who they are but they can keep dropping jewels until they’re blue in the face because (they also say) you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Common sense ain’t common. A hard head makes a soft behind. Keep doing what you're doing, you gon’ get what you got. Somebody (or is it you??) is as stubborn as a donkey giving birth. They ain’t finna budge no way, no how. Maybe they’ve given too many inches & have watched folks take too many miles. Whatever their backstory, the future is now. So what are you gonna do? They say you can’t beat a dead horse. You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip. If it dont’ fit, don’t force it, just relax & let it go. It will hurt, walking away from something when you tried so damn hard, but at least you can comfort yourself knowing you gave it everything you had. When you give everything you have, you are supposed to receive a bountiful reward. That’s how life works. If you give something or someone everything you have & all they do is… take it… well that is unnatural & unreasonable. That is some twisted shit. That is not how life works. Over the next 30 days, life wants to show you reciprocity. You have given much, & it is time for you to receive, as long as you can accept that you will never receive from those to whom you’ve been giving. Once you release the idea of what could have been, you will move with relief into the ease you deserve. And if you are the stubborn mysterious someone, taking all & giving none…your free ride is o-v-e-r. It’s ‘bout to get rough.  Writing this message is difficult for me. Not to get too personal... but it's hard to concentrate because I am angry about SO MANY THINGS. Rage brims up inside my throat from choking on words I thought had died, but now appear suddenly, undeniably alive. It's that thing where you become afraid to speak, out of fear that every word will be laced with venom, each syllable a pronunciation of spite.
Sidenote: DId you know that psychic folks (like you, like me) experience difficulty determining whether what they are feeling is coming from themselves or others? It's true! We're walking antennae; sometimes we don't know if the noise we emit is an original transmission or simply an echo of what we've received. This is especially the case when it comes to self-doubt, trust issues, crying spells, tantrums, low self-esteem & negative repetitive thought loops. In other words, we can feel really, really mad at somebody, when the truth is that they are really, really mad at us. We can feel overwhelmed with love (to the point of obsessive thoughts) for someone, when really, they can't stop thinking about us. We can feel worthless, hopeless & suicidal, when the truth is that our light threatens someone else's darkness, our potential showcases the fact that someone else has squandered their gifts, & the life in our eyes makes someone else want to die. While it seems unfair & is most certainly illogical, that's not even the worst of it. Ultimately, it's a DISTRACTION, a pensive brain fog that renders our purpose invisible & our progress pointless. For the next 30 days, if we find ourselves overcome with negativity, it's an obvious indication that we are (...or were, anyway) on our way to bigger & better things. To counteract: have you ever noticed that when you're deeply engaged in a meaningful task, the world (within & without/ above & below) quiets to a hum? Getting (& staying!) busy with our soul purpose will be the only way to silence these psychic attacks. & How will we know the difference between vampires & the victims? Easy. Suckers have nothing (literally, nothing) but time. (Lightwork)  This month is about Justice in every conceivable way. It's about getting what we deserve, what we've earned.
Imagine you go to a restaurant because you're starving. You place your order & wait a bit. Then you wait a bit more. People around you are eating while your table remains bare. Upon closer observation you see that while it's true that many have their food, you are not the only one waiting. Where first you were furious, now you are curious. You tiptoe to the kitchen & see it is void of its typical bustling activity, although ingredients are sprawled profusely, in various stages of prep. Helplessly nosy, you venture inside. Before you can investigate further, you hear an interior door slam. The chef has just quickly re-entered & you can hear the familiar rustle of a bag filled with fresh produce. Dinner is on! You creep back to your table undetected & sit patiently with a smug grin. You know the food will be hot & fresh, despite the delay. Meanwhile, those without your peaceful assurance have made some interesting choices. Some have filled up so much on bread & water, they'll have no space in their tummies for the delicacies soon to arrive. Others remained at the table, yet assuming the food would never come, ordered huge meals from elsewhere. Regardless of whether they can stomach their double portion, they're on the hook to pay for it all. When the waiters finally emerge with the courses, there is a collective wave of surprise. In one way or another, everyone is too full from their own actions to enjoy the goods. Except you, who had the inside scoop, who kept the blessing to yourself because no one would have believed you anyway. Oh well. For the next 30 days, your belly is full. (Worth the wait.)  This month is about mastery.
We have spent many cycles trying, crying, struggling, striving in vain to make a certain something work. Despite our disappointment we didn't give up. As a result we learned to improvise, reorganize, wiggle. Survive. As a result, no matter what comes towards us now, either in thought, word or deed, we're equipped to confiscate & appropriate for our best & highest good. Like the proprietor of a pawnshop, we can keep it, use it or sell it. Either way it's a boon. Over the next 30 days we might have to deal with folks who GO BY THE BOOK, but when it's all said and done, they will have to go BUY the book. Your book. Because the sheer volume of your hard won wisdom has given you permission to rewrite the rules. The fact that all roads led to dead ends for so long turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Where others would have given up, you created a lane. Now all roads lead to you.  It's a myth that perfection is akin to progress. And even if progress amounted to doing things exactly, perfectly right the first time- what would you have you really learned? How do you know if its a matter of skill or just dumb luck?
Over the next 30 days, we may find ourselves facing the same terrain we've covered over & over again- yet no matter how many times we put mountains in our rear-view mirror, somehow they're still mysteriously, mischievously looming up ahead. This month (indulge my car analogy for a bit, yeah?) we are being asked to pull over, ditch the ride & walk. All this time we've been white-knuckle gripping the steering wheel- worrying if our car can carry us over each incline, worrying if we'll run out of gas, worrying if we'll find food, clothes, shelter, landmarks, on this endlessly difficult route. We believed that just around the bend we could finally stop this nefarious merry-go-round & relax as the lane flattened into easy street. And yet, joke's on us because despite all the care, seriousness & zero fun (we'll have fun when we GET THERE!), the road is the same, we're no closer to our original destination, & we've navigated so many twists & turns we no longer know where we are, let alone if we're close to where we thought we were headed. Regardless, we are getting older & the hour groweth late. Despite the lack of "progress," our tunnel vision widens. Suddenly we are drawn to the lushness of the trees, the clarity of the sky, the flowers yearning to be admired, the babble of brooks & the lure of hidden paths demanding to be explored. Whereas we searched fruitlessly for signs affirming we were "getting somewhere," it suddenly dawns on us that we've always been in the only place there is: HERE & NOW. And we're missing it. This month, instead of zooming through life as fast as we can so that those coming behind can eat our dust, why not show them how our footsteps loop around & around each other, back & forth, in a cosmic divine design? Why not show them how when we kick up our heels & choose to dance, even the dirt dances with us? (Grace/full) |
by OubriaA monthly message, alchemized/ channeled from tarot cards, seasoned with intuition and life experience, served with love. Archives
May 2022
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