beloved

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It's June y'all. It's  Gemini season, the exact mid-point of this crazy ass 2020  year.  In the tarot, the card that represents Gemini is the Lovers. The Lovers represent duality, choice, confusion, & the hi-jinx that ensue when we attempt to waddle the middle road instead of picking a side.

As much as we'd prefer this was a both/and kind of world, it really is an either/or kind of world. The true tea is that we can't have it both ways. 

If we could have it both ways it would look like this: There is a certain thing we want. We ask the universe for that thing. Things that are not that thing appear. We feel frustrated. But then immediately, before we feel too frustrated, that thing appears. We are so happy. All we had to do was wait. The end.


But since that's bullshit & we can't have it both ways, it really works like this:

There is a certain thing we want. We ask the universe for that thing. Things that are not that thing appear. In our hearts, we choose that thing that is not in front of us, therefore in our minds, we choose nothing. More things that are not that thing appear. Our hearts cry out for that thing. Again, we choose nothing.  Even more things that are not that thing appear. We get anxious. We are very tempted to choose the things that are not that thing because those things seems to be the only things there are. We get more anxious. We are beside ourselves, exhausted, animated only by the desire for that thing. We choose nothing still. And then-

Y'all really thought I was finna end that with "The thing appears," huh? 

Naw, because that would be harder than the first example, but still too easy.  The true tea is that you gotta want that thing so fkn much that you GIVE UP that thing. Because if you are able to have that thing just because it eventually showed up; well then you didn't choose that thing, you just waited for it. Granted you may have waited a really long time but at the end of the day, wait was all you did. Choosing that thing means you refuse to accept anything BUT that thing even if that thing never appears. At the end of the day, waiting is easy. But because of having to accept that day may never come, choosing is hard.

For instance, what if you really want a million dollars & you ask God for a million dollars. And then suddenly someone offers you a half-million dollars. And then you have this moment of confusion like- should I accept this half-a-million dollars...? Its not exactly what I asked for but maybe God is a good-enough God instead of a just-right God & this half million is good enough...? But then right before you choose the good-enough Godsend, someone hands you a million dollars! Thanks God! You're always Right! On! Time! 

Yeah, naw. But when you can walk away from 999 thousand dollars with nothing but lint in your pocket, positive that your million is in the opposite direction from the Land of Good Enough Where God Only Keeps Some Of His Promises; when you can ignore folks fussing 'bout how you think you too good for 999 thousand when that's plenty enough God's promise for most; when you wearing dusty shoes & a raggedy bra & you gotta borrow a $20 from the pile of wealth you turned your nose up at, well now we talking about somebody making a choice. 

Because we either choose to believe God's promise for our lives or we don't. We can't have it both ways. & If we choose the promised moment over the present moment, then we got to shut the hell up about waiting. If your wife says she was gonna be home by six & she don't show up by ten, you 'gon be re-married by eleven...? Naw. You go look. If your beloved ain't where you are, then go where your beloved is. 

Because I kid you not, God is so petty that he ain't finna give us a damn thing we asked for until we decisively turn down & walk away from everything that ain't it. We must very clearly & repeatedly, even at great personal expense, continue to refuse what we DO NOT choose, to make space for what we asked for. Don't let the Most High be working to bring us Big Macs & we sitting here sleepy off some Junior Whoppers. How embarrassing.

This Gemini season, as we sit smack dab in the halfway point of a year that was supposed to be lit but is an actual dumpster fire, this is where we decide. This is where we choose. This is NOT where we wait. This is where we recognize that if what we don't  want is here, then what we do want is...not here. 

That simple awareness, that this ain't it, is a choice. 


Now we're getting somewhere.