true love

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So here's the thing about portals: even though they are black bottomless holes that make you want to clutch the sides & linger with one leg in, you have to jump in with BOTH feet. Portals are scary but they are useful in that they are taking you Somewhere. If you don't go Somewhere you're... Nowhere.  

And here's the thing about Nowhere: its an uncomfortable gray area with doubtful origins, a dream with no beginning, mystery meat. But, if you're Nowhere long enough & the only thing to eat is mystery meat, eventually you'll taste the cuisine. Before long you'll crave it. Then you'll beg & whine if someone takes it away. You'll find yourself calling the person denying you mystery meat a mean ol' meanie & you'll beg God/dess to smite them so you can eat because you're starving. And God/dess will ask, like an exhausted parent: Why in the world are you in the middle of nowhere calling me about MYSTERY MEAT? Bring your butt HOME!

And then you'll snap out of it & realize you ain't even supposed to BE here. You were supposed to get your ass in the portal. Oh yeah...the portal. And upon this realization, all the old fears & clutchiness will rise - yes the portal is still dark & scary, no you don't know where it goes or how long it will take you to get there. But even as your heart thumps louder, you put in both  feet this time, taking one last appreciative glance at Nowhere because it gave you the clarity you needed to be positive that ANYTHING is better than this blasted negative air space increasingly selfish with its mystery meat. Suddenly you are hungry for something real, in a place you can name, & you're determined to get there even if you tremble all the way.

Just then, the meanie mystery meat keeper jumps out of the shadows! Why should s/he be the only one here?! It's the middle of nowhere for goodness sakes! How happy they were to see someone else doomed to mystery meat! What joy it brought them to make you beg! You were the only entertainment around! Wait! It's no fun if you don't plaaaaayyyyyyyyy......

WHOOSH! Its a shame you didn't hear the rest of what the resident said, but when you jumped in, they got cut off. It be like that sometimes...

This month you must finish the journey no matter how much it freaks you out, no matter how much your animal brain resists. And if a permanent resident of Nowhere tries to convince you to stay, just because they've forgotten how to call God/dess on their own phone & be reminded to bring their asses home...for the love of all that awaits you (just YOU!), DON'T try to convince them to jump. Portals are personal & made for one: if they agreed, all that would happen is the same thing that's already happening: you'd both be stuck. And if they didn't agree, you would feel compelled to convince, & you'd talk & talk & talk away the courage you mustered for yourself. Night would fall & your stomach would rumble & you'd reach again for the mystery meat & the resident would gleefully snatch the plate away & say-

Oh goooody. You decided to stay. Can't you see...? THAT is why I love you.