If you're living with someone who seems determined to be upset with / misunderstand you no matter what, try your best to control your emotions. Don't drain your precious energy that should be poured into getting yourself stable, wondering if someone is “mad” at you, or questioning your own thoughts & actions. Don't let nobody drive you crazy!

Maintain your own consistency & integrity; continue to keep busy; continue to work on your plan & timeline; continue to conserve your hosts resources & conserve whenever & however you can; remain communicative; solicit feedback  & initiate check-ins, & remain as pleasant, calm & rational as possible. By continuing to do everything you know you need to do to advance your life goals , there will be little time leftover to worry about the moods, whims, demands or accusations of others. Accept that their dislike or non-acceptance of you is their problem, & continue to move forward. 

Here are a list of Do’s & Don’ts that will make it easier to live under the power & control of someone who has a difficult personality: 

DO'S

• DO keep a plan, goal, intention, certainty- that you will gain independence & get away from this person. If you keep your own goals in mind & make steps toward them daily, your soul will gain peace from knowing this difficulty is only temporary. Stay reminded that this too will pass.

 

• DO maintain your internal peace & stability by praying, meditating, reading & memorizing affirmations & scriptures that keep your thoughts centered on what’s best for you & your life & nothing else. If you don’t know any affirmations or scriptures, there are some listed in another section of this booklet that you can start with.  

 

• DO visit peaceful & beautiful spaces that remind you there is goodness in the world, even if it's just a walk to a local park; remind yourself constantly that the earth is your home & therefore you cannot be homeless; affirm that you are welcome in the world even if you feel unwelcome where you sleep

 

• DO stay out of the difficult person’s way as much as possible, by remaining out of the house or, busy, productive or prayerful within the house.

 

• DO practice gratitude that you have shelter, despite this person’s feelings & actions towards you; also practice gratitude for being able to observe a difficult person up close & learn lessons that you will be able to apply toward recognizing & avoiding other difficult people in the future.

 

• DO maintain a peaceful, calm, rational tone whenever you have to engage with the difficult person, as a strategy for keeping your own peace. 

DO NOT'S

• DO NOT engage with the difficult person more than absolutely necessary. Give them space to feel their feelings in their home. As much as possible, stay out of their way. If conversation becomes necessary, keep it about surface issues only, like the weather, or responding simply & politely to something they have said, without forcing the conversation further. 

 

• DO NOT tell the difficult person your personal business. If someone doesn’t feel supportive of you & your goals, they can direct negative energy toward your progress without even realizing. Don’t give them that opportunity; keep your dreams to yourself. 

 

• DO NOT hang out with the difficult person on the days they are not being difficult. Remove yourself from the up & down merry go round of their behavior. Maintain your distance, since that is the only way to be consistent. 

 

• DO NOT gossip or vent to anyone in the household about the difficult person, especially while in the house. Do not discuss someone negatively in their own home, even if you feel they deserve it. It will have negative consequences for you, even if you can’t foresee how. If you need to vent about the situation, write about it in a private journal that you keep well hidden,or  talk it over with a neutral party, like a therapist, counselor, social worker, or a trusted party removed from the situation, who does not live in the household, who is supportive in your goals of gaining independence. 

 

• DO NOT express strong or polarizing opinions around the difficult person, even on seemingly neutral topics, or even if you believe the difficult person would agree with you. This can easily lead to arguments or emotionally charged moments, which is the opposite of what you want. 

 

• DO NOT spend time trying to defend, justify or explain yourself to this person. Let your actions speak for you.  Resist the urge to be understood; sometimes people are committed to misunderstanding you. 

 

• DO NOT allow the difficult person to have extended, prolonged contact with your children. Protect your children from difficult people at all costs, even if this person “loves” your children. 

 

• DO NOT remain in a hostile, volatile situation. If someone is making threats against you, or making you feel afraid, or acting violently in the home, or you find yourself unable to maintain any sort of positivity or mental stability around this person, figure out a way to leave & stay gone. If you don’t have anywhere to go, the section marked 'Shelter' or 'Domestic Violence'  in this booklet that can help.

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